What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish!
Which part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales!
What's the most musical part of a fish?
The scales!
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!
What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid!
What do fish sing to each other?
Salmon-chanted evening!
What kind of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?
Birdsthigh fish fingers!
What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)
What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream?
Jellyfish!
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?
'Your plaice or mine'!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the 'Kelp-wanted' adds!
Why is a fish easy to weigh?
Because it has its own scales!
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?
Because they have electric 'eels!
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!
To whom do fish go to borrow money?
The loan shark!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
Monkfish!
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
A fish tank!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Where do fish keep their money?
In a river-bank!
Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Where do you weigh whales?
At a whale weigh station!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!
Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!
How do oysters call their friends?
On shell phones!
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish!
What do you get when you cross an octopus and a cow?
An animal that can milk itself!
What's that gooey stuff in between a shark's teeth?
Slow swimmers!
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment?
A flat fish!
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
A beer-a-cuda!
Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean?
Billy the Squid!
What happened to the cold jellyfish?
It set!
What's the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people!
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish!
Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea?
Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside!
How do the fish get to school?
By octobus!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed!
What is the strongest creature in the sea?
A mussel!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!
What do fish and maps have in common?
They both have scales!
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